Nurturing Behavior Change: The Power of Co-Regulation
In this post YOU will discover:
The Concept of Co-Regulation: Understand the significance of co-regulation as both a proactive and responsive tool in managing challenging behaviors among students.
Practical Strategies for Co-Regulation: Explore actionable steps to implement co-regulation techniques, including regulating oneself before assisting students, utilizing reflective statements for effective communication, and managing physical actions during moments of crisis.
Empowering Student Support: Learn how co-regulation fosters stronger relationships between educators and students, promotes emotional regulation, and ultimately cultivates a more supportive learning environment for all.
When it comes to behavior change practices, one that has quickly moved to the top of the priority list for me is co-regulation. Yes, I strongly believe and will continue to advocate for many of the current evidence based proactive strategies out there, however, I also know that behaviors will happen. Even with the best proactive and preventative strategies, behaviors will still occur. How do I know this? Because behaviors are never fully eliminated. That isn’t the goal. Behaviors are actions we take, as human behaviors, based on internal and external experiences we have. So, to put it simply, if we are living, we are going to display behaviors.
Crisis is an Opportunity for Growth
And something I’ve learned as well as I’ve been digging deeper into co-regulation, is that regulation is both a proactive tool and a response that adults can engage in when behavior occurs. Regulation begins with relationships. This is why we constantly hear “relationships come first” with so many topics in education today. But something I’ve learned is that even with the best and most solid relationships, challenging behaviors may still surface. Knowing this, the rest of this blog post will share steps you can take if and when you find yourself needing to co-regulate with a dysregulated student.
What Stress Does in Our Brains
Challenging behaviors are the result of an experience that is difficult to understand and process in the present moment. As our stress levels rise, our ability to take rational and conscious actions declines. We quickly fall out of our thinking brain into the emotional part of our brain, and if the stress continues to be present, we may find ourselves in the survival part of our brains. The same is true for the students that we work with on a daily basis. As circumstances occur in their environments (internally and externally), and their stress rises, so do behaviors we observe.
So yes, proactive and preventative strategies are essential. However, it is just as important that we have the understanding and awareness of steps to take when challenging behavior is displayed in front of us. The steps we can take when working with a student engaging in challenging behavior, begin within the co-regulation category. And when it comes to co-regulation, we can further break down our actions even more into three smaller categories: what to think about, what to say, and what physical actions to take.
Self-Awareness Comes First
Before we co-regulate with a student, first, we need to ensure we have the awareness and capacity to regulate ourselves. Before we can do anything with anyone else, we need to ensure we are able to provide the same care and compassion to ourselves. This is why self-regulation is so important, and something that I advocate we practice on a daily basis. We are human beings, which means we will have human experiences that elevate us emotionally. The more we are able to have awareness of what we are feeling and how to return ourselves to our own baseline, the quicker we are able to share our calm with someone else who is in need of co-regulation time.
We will all have experiences that elevate us emotionally
Once we are calm and regulated, we are able to share our calm with someone else. With our calm we can work to engage with our students, versus causing further enragement. As mentioned earlier, there are three parts to think about when it comes to co-regulation. Let’s unpack each one in more detail here:
What to Think About:
Thoughts are critical to helping us stay calm and present to any situation. We are constantly taking in information from our environment, both consciously and unconsciously and this information leads to the thoughts that we are thinking at any given moment. The thoughts we think, lead to the emotions we feel, which then lead to the actions we take. When we are co-regulating with a student in crisis, our thoughts are essential to sharing our calm. So what can we think about?
I recommend starting with an anchor statement that will ground you into the present moment. You get to have creative freedom with this statement as it should be something that you relate to. Keep it simple, but direct, again with the goal being something that will ground you into the experience of the present moment. Here are a few examples:
I am a source of strength and support for this student.
I get to be present with this student.
I’m doing the best I can at this moment.
In addition to an anchor statement, using positive self-talk is key in these situations. This self talk doesn’t need to be toxic positivity, but instead can be reminders of thoughts that serve you. Lastly, another recommendation I have is to keep your thoughts focused through a curiosity lens. Think about what the student might be wanting or feeling, what in the environment might be impacting the student. What response can you give that will continue to show care and compassion?
What to Talk About:
Without sounding too simple, when we think about what to talk about, it can be answered in 2 words - very little. We are working with a student in crisis, which means they are not in their thinking or rational part of their brain. Therefore anything we are saying, they are unlikely making meaning from it, in the way that we may be intending it to come across. Therefore any words we speak need to be simple and to the point so that the student has an opportunity to truly hear what we are saying.
In these situations, this is where reflective statements are your best friends. Validating how the student is feeling is the best go-to statement and one that I am always using. Reflecting back what they are feeling helps me to stay objective and curious about the situation without passing judgment or trying to jump into problem solving mode.
Reflecting on what we see helps us to stay objective and
curious to what we are experiencing.
What Physical Actions to Take:
First and foremost - keep breathing! Take a deep breath, and exhale. This is key to helping you stay calm and regulated, which will then provide that modeling for the student to do the same.
Take a step back! Or several steps back and give the student space. So often when a student is in crisis, our human instinct is to go closer. Our brains subconsciously tell us that is how we can help and support, however, in this moment, giving space is what is best for the student. They are elevated and often continue to escalate when experiencing this level of stress, so providing space is key to the co-regulation process.
Continue to monitor your body language and facial expressions. If you are able to, sit down, in an area that you can show you are getting comfortable and not standing taller than the student. Continue to show care and concern through your body and facial expressions, knowing the student will gather meaning from them both.
Co-Regulation is a process we get to practice every day!
Co-regulating is a process we can practice any and every time a student is in crisis or exhibiting challenging behavior. It is also a moment that we can strengthen proactively by modeling regulation strategies with our students. We can continue to provide time and space (and grace too) to our students and allow them to return to the present moment when they are experiencing a stressful moment. Through finding and sharing our calm, we can help to regulate the student so they can return to baseline and feel more in control of their body, thoughts and emotion.
Co-regulation isn’t easy, but it is so worth it. Give yourself grace as you embark on this practice, and trust in your ability to be a source of strength and support for the students you serve.
Co-Regulation is not a location, it’s an experience for
ourselves and our students
If Define YOU can help you with further help in understanding or implementation of this or other behavior change practices, please email Lindsay at lindsay.titus@gmail.com, or head to https://www.defineyouniversity.com/booktospeak for more information.